Discussing the sober curious movement, without judgment, thanks to the ladies of Sober Cheetahs

Become a fly on the wall as I chat, unfiltered, with the ladies from Sober Cheetahs, Sara Kalb and Amanda Pfau, two of Santa Clarita’s most high vibe, inspiring, courageous, real, honest, and all-around badass women. Fair warning by the end of our conversation you might be inspired to take on the 30-day challenge mentioned AND they may even have you cheering for sobriety. 

Just by continuing to share their story, one more time, THESE LADIES ARE MAKING OUR STREETS SAFER!!!!  Stop!!! Whatever you’re doing and listen, right now,  to learn how and why.  

Real change happens when we get out of our heads, get into community, belly to belly with one another, and speak light into our truth and tell our story. These ladies are bringing the fire just by speaking their truth - the antidote to climate change is community. These ladies discuss how empathy crushes shame. They provide tactical tools for action that will crush despair. There is nothing more compassionate than getting real and vulnerable and sharing your story in hopes of helping someone else. 

Resources mentioned in this episode:

https://www.instagram.com/sobercheetahs/

https://thisnakedmind.com/podcasts/

https://thisnakedmind.com/blog-the-alcohol-experiment/

Book recommendations mentioned in today's episode can be found here https://www.instagram.com/p/CTdGacjPJZs/

Nonprofit highlights can be found here
 https://santaclaritamagazine.com/2022/05/a-night-in-hollywood-under-the-stars-scv-senior-center-celebrity-waiter/  

And here https://santaclaritamagazine.com/2022/05/celebrating-pride-in-the-scv-2/

@sobercheetahs

@scvconnected

@everythingkellyokeefe

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Check out the link above in our Instagram profiles to purchase the book we'll be discussing, all affiliate proceeds will go to the local nonprofit @alightofhopescv an organization that helps families, youth, and young adults in recovery from addiction or self-destructive behaviors.

SCV Connected connects you with real people beyond being geographically close to someone or part of the same social network. Real gems ~ in our community in their own words and on their own terms.

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Transcript

You're listening to the SCV Connected podcast with my mom Kelly O'Keefe. We're talking today about sobriety, but without judgment. Our conversation involves a tremendous amount of bravery and vulnerability on their part, and they're making a huge impact. I wanted to share that they are our neighbors, they live local here in Santa Clarita, and I had known them by like a degree of separation, but I never knew them in this capacity.

I'm so excited to be here today with Amanda Pfau and Sara Calab. Hi, thank you for having us. No, thank you. I'm so glad you're here. So we're gonna start off with what we call pod deck. It's like an icebreaker question. Okay. So I'll have you grab just the top question. Da, da da three things I'm excited about right now.

Ooh. Ooh. Should I start? I can start. I don't mind. No, I me, you go then Mego okay. So I'm excited about, especially since the pandemic hit, I. Like many have gotten into gardening and plants and all of that. Yes. And so recently I've been really wanted to do a wall garden of succulents. I've seen it on Pinterest and I'm like, I think I can maybe keep that alive cuz it's succulents.

So I gifted that to myself for mother's day. Nice. And so that was great. It's beautiful. Oh, I wanna come see you. Oh, thank you. Yes, please do. I'm very proud of it. We'll have to like post a picture about that. Okay. Okay. Happy to do that. And then I'm also excited about sounds silly, but I got my son. He's about to turn to an Amazon fire, like the little fire tablet, cuz we're about to go on a plane ride with a two year old and a seven year old and nine year old all first time flyers.

Oh my gosh. You're so brave. Like wow, go you braver. Brave. Um, crazy. Thank you. Yeah, the fire will help. Yeah. So I'm hoping that like, kind of helps it go as smooth as possible, but you know, good thing. Other people have like noise canceling headphones now.

So if he's upset, they might not even hear. And the last thing I'm. Excited for summer break. When we have one more week for the kiddos coming up, accepting that came fast. It sure did did man. So yeah, that's, you know, just some fun stuff that that's good stuff. Yeah. I, I say I'm excited just to be here with you guys and.

Like get deeper. Yeah. A relationship, like I said earlier was a degree of separation, but I had known you as like in passing or in a group setting and life was great. Okay. How you doing? Good. Good. Yeah. And just that I crave to really like know people know their story. Yeah. And I was so taken back when I saw your post on Facebook actually. And you shared mm-hmm  and I was like, not only did I wanna cheer you on, but like surprised that you just really never know what's going on. Yeah, that's too. Absolutely. So true. And then I'm excited about my new Goodwill find I found the skirt. Fantastic. That's cute. I'm excited about that.

And then this book guys. Yeah. I was not drinking the Kool-Aid like before the interview, I was like, Hey, I'm gonna do this research. I don't know if I'm on that level. Like I'm in the camp of.  not drinking. That's kind of like, why would you do that? Like, that's kind of weird. And I would put that person in a box mm-hmm  so to speak.

Yep. And I learned like, I, this book has something for everyone, no matter what side of the coin you're on. Mm-hmm  and that totally took me by surprise. I feel so empowered. And I'm just so excited. I feel like I wanna show, shout this from like the rooftops that everyone needs this book. So that's what we've been trying to do.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Your three things, three things I'm excited about today. I'm excited to be here, guys. Good. On the podcast. I was wondering, are you guys feeling vulnerable or feeling like, oh no.

I feel, feel good. I've good. Confident. I'm so excited. You know? Number one to be on a podcast. Number two, to just share this information. Like you really don't know what people are going through. I feel like alcohol is so normalized these days and everybody drinks to where, like it's an addictive substance.

Of course you're gonna get addicted and it's, there's no shame. So I'm excited to like shout it from the rooftops, like you said, and I'm just excited to give people hope. I just want you to know that you can live a, a really good fulfilling, happy, exciting life without. Yeah, no, that's a great segue. Okay.

So this book, the naked mind control alcohol, find freedom, discover happiness, change your life with Annie grace. And she has not just the book, but whole podcast. I think she's up to like 300 plus episodes. She has the Instagram platform. She's created these challenges. She has resources like she is doing the thing.

So was it the, like when did you decide to pick up the book? What brought you to that point? And we can start. Whoever wants to go. Uh, yeah, I could start off. Uh, let's see. So this was interesting because I actually first listened to it on audible. Okay. A podcast that I listened to, it wasn't even a sobriety podcast.

It was one of my favorite murder podcasts. One of the girls was like, yeah, I just, I picked up this book, you know, the beginning of their show. They always give recommendations and. I could tell looking back that I was really looking like it found me, but I needed it in that moment. Mm. Because I had been questioning it for years and this was probably a year before I even started.

like considering sobriety. So this was a while, you know, while back, and I remember listening to it in the sound of her voice, it was just so like soothing and I just, my mind was blown just like you guys are talking about. And it also gave validity to my feelings where it's like, I'm not technically, you know, I don't wanna put myself in a box of being an alcoholic.

It's not that bad. And then the more you listen to it or read it or both, you're like, oh my gosh, like the Will's been like over my eyes for so long. Because it's been designed that way by these companies out, you know, big alcohol and they created this addictive substance and then expect you to not get addicted to it.

And then you feel the shame. And I think what keeps people from getting help or looking into even, you know, a small period of time, like she does the 30 day challenge. I think the reason people don't even like go down that road is because they feel the shame. Yes, yes. Of what are people gonna say? What is my family?

My friends, society. Mm-hmm . And so I think that keeps people in a box for too long. I was gonna say, when I thought about sobriety, I thought about the shame part or I thought AA or the problem has to be really significant. Right. I didn't think about it in the way that she speaks about it. Yeah. And so that was just mind blowing of you don't necessarily need to go to AA.

She's. Telling you to go to AA in this book, but she's giving you the facts and presenting yeah. Information evidence. You said that really well. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. And it's, I like what you just said too, is like, why wait until like, we're all about health prevention, right? Mm-hmm , don't wait until, you know, you're this sick to go seek help.

You, you kind of see the signs early on, then you get help. So why wait till you're at rock bottom and like destroying your life to. Potentially help yourself or even experiment like it's the experiment, try it out. If you hate not drinking, incorporate it back into your life and see how it goes. But it's just, yeah, don't wait until things are really bad to try to like help yourself, right?

Yeah. That, that surprised me too. About the book that it's not all just like quit. Oh, it's totally not that. And I was like, wow, like even her podcast, she'll talk about like, everybody is different and every situation's different and it's really just exploring yourself and what you need. Mm-hmm  um, so Sarah, tell me about your, your journey.

Like what brought you to picking up the book and take us from there? Yeah. You know, I don't even remember how. The book came into my, my life, but I'm so thankful every day that it did, because it really did help my mindset shift. Like everything in this book,  just. Just everything made sense. Everything was relatable.

Everything is true about like what alcohol does to you, how it makes you, you know, wake up in the middle of the night in a panic and anxiety. And I was just suffering from like debilitating anxiety. And I was like, something's gotta give. And of course you make every excuse up in the book for like, I'm not gonna give up my alcohol for some reason we do that, you know?

And. I just finally after time and time again, of waking up just with awful anxiety and it was starting to make me depressed and it, I, it just had to go. Did you even think that alcohol was the cause of it? I knew deep down probably, but I found this book through a podcast that I listened to and it. Got my journey started.

Yeah. I like couldn't put it down and I really saturated myself in just more information. I wanted more, I wanted more stories. And then when you go onto her podcast, you know, she's got so many people on there that have the same story. So is it a big FARs then that like alcohol calms the anxiety? Cuz sometimes I feel like I'm going to consume just one glass of wine or one beverage.

The anxiety of life of the world of mm-hmm  yes. Or hurt you for 20 minutes, but then your body yearns for more. So you feed more and then it's,  it's like pour gasoline on your anxiety is when you drink and you drink. Right. It's just making it, it's just accelerating the negative effects.

And I think too, when you were mentioning where her book, isn't like, you have to be sober. It's not rigid, but it's like sparking that sober curiosity movement. Yeah. Yeah. Or just get curious about your habits. Get curious about my anxiety's getting worse and where I drink. Is there like a correlation and just start questioning, just start questioning it.

That's like, I would say the best first. Just like take an inventory. Dang guys. I think everything that you've been on has led you to this point and you're so like on trend, this is like huge. I Gwyneth Paltro. Do you guys know her, her whole line of goop and stuff? Mm-hmm  yeah. Yeah. They just did a sober, curious.

Movement article. Yes. And I'm like, I read that, oh my gosh, we're gonna podcast about this. And it's just so interesting how people are starting to question it. And I don't know it, they should's coming out of C everybody's into the, the health diets and the gluten free and the, well, the COVID too, you were mentioning COVID.

Yeah. You know, everybody's at home stuck, you know, is fun for a while to start drinking. You know, your kids are home, nowhere to drive. Yeah. But you know, two years later, a lot of people are kind of in a rut. Do you feel. I mean, you're a wife, you're a mom. You guys are sober enthusiast now, but, and you're a nurse mm-hmm  and Amanda, you a photographer, like you guys have done other jobs, if you will.

Mm-hmm  but do you feel like this is a calling placed upon you? Like maybe you were meant to now be part of this journey too? Yeah, because I look at your Instagram page and you guys are so motivational and encouraging. And you could just feel that level of like depth and life that you're experiencing that.

Yeah. Yeah. And we wanna share it. Mm-hmm , you know, that's why we created that page is to just. Like show our raw and real journeys here. Do you ever get like a vulnerability hangover though? Like if you post something or share something? Yes. So I wouldn't say like a hangover, but I do like it's public, you know, mm-hmm  and there is a lot of judginess out there, but I feel like the people that are on our page are truly like looking.

For answers or hope or inspiration, for sure. So yeah, just like we were, we were like right. Hungry for like-minded people because they, I wasn't seeing 'em in front of my face, you know, just because I was myself, so consume a drinking and it's just common, everywhere. So you kind of have to seek it out. You know, through the proper ways like Instagram, you just hashtag sober, curious, or sober moms, and then you'll find this whole world.

Yeah. And that's, that is a cool part of social media connects you to people all over that. You know, you might not encounter every day or maybe you do encounter, but like you said, we're not having those deep conversations with, with people all the time. Cuz we're busy. We have our kids with us. We're just going from here to there.

So you kind of do have to seek out that connection. Yeah. And it becomes sort of that icebreaker. Like you just lean into it and grab for it in a social setting. Mm-hmm  no matter if it's you're at a play date or you're at a barbecue or whatever, maybe it's like a corporate event or a happy hour or a yeah.

Mommy hangout. Like it's every, but it's that icebreaker mm-hmm  um, so I'm gonna refer back to page 93 and it just talks a lot about, well, I'll just read it.  It's not a lot of fun to be shy, but it's normal. Everyone feels it. The book also discuss what a gift it is to listen a gift to the people we are listening to. And to ourselves, you won't learn anything new by talking when our talkative nature stems from drinking, it's never thoughtful nor eloquent. I just wanted to throw that in because yeah, it is that like icebreaker of like shy and uncomfortable. But when we're young, we're not, we'll go out and play at recess.

We play with friends. And so it is interesting how we go throughout life and we sort of get anxiety and we get shy and nervous or, yep. Yeah. Socially though. It's almost like it's, you know, for me, I started drinking in junior high. It's really 13. And it's almost like it was, it's almost like you turn a certain age and it's like handed to you and you just, you don't even question it, our team.

Yeah. You know, kind of touching on the mental health thing. A big reason that I also quit was I have, I take certain medication for my mental health and it's for me personally, it's life, life changing, life saving. And I know I need it potentially long term forever. I don't know, but it's working for me right now.

Okay. And I started, you know, I went on it. And I noticed when I started drinking with it, which you're not supposed to do with any of them, but especially with the ones I was on and the ones like multiple ones I was on. And I noticed every time I would drink, even if I had a couple, I would black out why.

And that was really scary at, you know, when I like finished my drinking career .And hung out my hat. And I realized like my body was basically screaming at me. Like, I'm doing this for you. Getting you out of whatever you're doing to me with the alcohol, but it almost felt like it was gonna run its course where it's like, you can't keep like blacking out every time you drink, there's something going wrong in your body.

Right. And you just have to listen to it. And so I think I hit that point for, for myself, trying to do the whole. Moderation thing. So going back to that with the mental health is I, I had anxiety probably kicked in when I was like 12, 13. Wow. So it really kicked in for me, cuz I remember being in elementary school, you know, having my group of friends, doing well in school and being happy.

And then I feel like this dark cloud like descended over me when junior high started. I know a lot of kids feel that way, but I also have a huge family history of mental illness and alcoholism drug addiction. So it was almost like it was waiting for me. Yeah. It was like waiting for me and I grabbed it and I didn't really let it go until, you know, last year.

So it was like 20 plus years of using it. Dang, uh, using alcohol. Do you think like there's any amount of knowledge that could have changed that or like maybe the stuff that's in this book or the stuff you've learned over your sobriety? Like the, if you had, you had those tools when you were 13, maybe things would look different.

Cause yeah, there are a lot of kids right now facing anxiety. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I think. I mean, there's so much more awareness now about mental health, like back then. Oh my gosh, I sound old, but , I'm a millennial. Oh yeah. Uh, no one even knew, like I had to research, like I was just craving, like to find out what was wrong with me.

And there was no literature. There was like, not even internet really. And so I just felt so shameful about what was wrong with me, who, you know, had no name for it. So I drank more and more and more. And.  I think this information would've helped, but I also feel like as human beings, we're just kind of dense.

We're, we'll do the same thing a million times until something clicks and that information could have really helped. I think, awareness of mental health. Would've probably helped the most, cuz it could have stopped me from going down the path of using alcohol the way I did mm-hmm  you know, so, and it came in a time.

In my life where I was ready to receive it. Like, you can have the best information, but if you're not ready to receive it, it's not that's the whole thing's. Okay. So can we transition into how do you balance not trying to preach sobriety, but also not trying to, like, you don't wanna lie and say like, oh, I'm just deciding not to drink today or I am on a health kick, you know, like how do you come clean?

And be honest with friends or family.  yeah. You know, in the beginning it's hard. It's hard cuz everyone's like, why are you pregnant? And like, yeah. What did you do? Oh, did you get a DUI? You know, like awful responses. Like, no, but I was one of those that did it. So it's like, I can't, I can't, I like what's wrong with you.

I know let's sit on the couch. Let's like diagnose this. What happened? I've found a lot of confidence and kind of maybe empowerment by not and saying that I'm not because  it's not helping me live my, my truest most beautiful life.

Like it's, it's dampening who I am instead of  brightening who I am. Mm-hmm  and I don't know. I find that a lot of people are actually intrigued by like, why not? Yeah. And then. , but again, that's so surface level and they're probably drunk too, but like what I'm sitting here right now with you, I'm like, no, like what's really intriguing is the level of depth you have too now.

And you living your most authentic life. Mm-hmm . And I really do think that at the core, we all want that and we want that for each other and we wanna learn, but we, I, we grab the drink too early at the party that we don't even get there. I know. Give ourselves a chance. I know, and it it's so hard too, because like she said, like, you really have to be ready to do it.

So like, if I think about myself, all of my years of drinking, I've drank from a very young age as well, but I don't know if I would've ever grabbed onto it, but I was at the point where I was like, okay, enough is enough. Like I'm not being the best mom to my kids. I'm not really very happy. I imagined my life of going in a different way. And then you think about the future. Like if you think about how much you're drinking right now, how much you were drinking five years ago, it's increased, you know, and then what's five years from now, what am I gonna be like when I'm a grandma? You know, you think about your future.

and it's just like, is it ever gonna end? Am I ever gonna get sick of feeling like crap every day? Like, even if you have a couple glasses of wine, you're not your best, the next morning. Right? Like, let's just be honest. Right, right. Mm-hmm  it, it affects you. It, it affects everybody. And I just, you know, I'm just happy that it came out when I did cuz my kids will never remember me drinking and.

Just glad about that. Yeah. So does that make you more compassionate? Like your journey makes you compassionate towards not preaching it and pushing it onto other people? No. Yeah. It's so much so. And I just let again, just wanna give people hope.  I don't, you know, I wouldn't be the stereotypical person that struggles, you know, like you think of about the man on the street with the bottle and the bag, like, right.

It's not like that now. It's, it's, mommys with Tumblrs full of vodka soda. Like we're everywhere.  and everywhere, everywhere. And it's normalized, you know, all of my friends drink and, you know, some people. You know, are able to cut it off at a couple, but me, I don't want a couple, I want more than a couple.

Right. So I might as well just not have any. And it's so much better. The, the mental space that I have now for other things is so much better. I'm not like, am I drinking too much? Am I drinking too little, but I want more, but you know, it's and then can I drive? And then, you know, what did I do last night?

And then just the freaking cycle of the hamster wheel. Right? It's. I'm just free. I'm free now. Right. And it feels so good. And your are testimony to this cuz the whole book will make you feel more confident about that decision to not drink and empowered. And for you to say that I'm like, dang, like how long has it been?

It's been over a year. Yeah. It's been, I don't even count anymore. It's so fun. It's like a year and three months. Okay. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Are you ever worried about? I have so many questions. Okay. Are you ever worried about like you're putting it out there and like slipping back? I Dont because right now, when I look at alcohol I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. Okay. And that's the mindset thing. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I look at it for what it truly is. It's gonna make me tired. It's gonna make me sad. It's a neurotoxic poison right there. You know, splash with some cranberry. Okay. That's a little dramatic, but it doesn't appeal to me anymore.

Okay. And I know that one sip will probably drag me down the hole again. So I.  know that I'm not okay. And I'm better for it. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Just take the question off the table. That's what, yeah. Well, it's other girls say, yeah. It's well, it's like playing a losing game, like the whole, like, okay, I'm gonna have a glass of water in between.

It's like you create this game for yourself that you try to win, but you're never going to win because it has, like you said, you take, you take a drink, the drink takes you. That's just the, the way that it was created. So you can't really fight that truth. Like it's evident. But I would say for me, I look at it and I still have, it's weird to think, but I still host stuff and provide alcohol.

I threw a big 40th for my husband with alcohol, and I really I'm at the point now. And I'm not saying I would've been at the beginning, but I'm at the point now where it almost looks like a foreign object. Like I don't even, I don't even look at it anymore. It's just really, it just go dang. It's just like, not for me.

Okay. So I don't look at it and go, oh, I wish. Or I want, or maybe there's been a few times the first. Did you guys have that though? Like. Day one day a week, a month in. Sure, sure. Yeah, definitely. Sure. Definitely. Oh yeah. And that's, don't think it's all like sent we it's like we did you like for a whole month, like, until you got to that point where you're confident, like, did you have to change your friend group?

Did you have to stay inside more? Not like go out, probably say no to stuff more, but I would say the first of anything is hard. Yeah. So like the first girl's night, especially like. A big drinker. I loved wine. Like it was just part of me, so had to shed that part of me and then to also keep my friend group, it's still, it's not as hard.

And it's most of the time I like, again, don't even look at it. Mm-hmm , but there's certain like events or things where I'm like, it is awkward for me. Um, and I. Again, like again with like the whole self-care and limits, just knowing when is my time to, to leave. Okay. And when I had a great time and I always say like, my favorite part of hanging out at stuff is like the first few hours.

Yes. Cause you still get the best of everybody before they're like byebye. Yeah. And, and that's just not even in a best, it's just learning a new way. To live and still exist and still keep the friendships. And there's, you know, there's quite a few things too. It's like, okay, maybe not as many girls nights, but like going on walks or like finding other bonding things like going for coffee during the day stuff that I can still do with them, but it doesn't revolve around alcohol.

Right. Um, I think for me though, the biggest thing that makes alcohol unappealing is my oldest daughter did notice me drinking. Oh, she's nine. And she's very wise isn't smart. Very, she picks up on stuff really easily and it was one day I was hungover. And I remember her saying, you know what, mom, drinking wine.

Doesn't make you very happy. Dang and her name. Yeah. I'm not gonna say her name though. Cuz I don't wanna public. So just she's great. She's just Len. Yeah, she's great. So she, she said what I needed to hear and I needed to hear it from her and I was ready to receive it.

It was like the, the, the perfect moment. Perfect moment. And I think hearing that from her, it's like one of those, like I can't not know that she feels that way. Right. Because you know how you, like, someone could feel that way for a long time or feel a certain way. But once they express it, you. Oh, my gosh.

Right. It was affecting her and it would've just gotten worse as she became a teen. I'm hearing that because I wonder like in reading this book, like do my kids know, and they've never said it blatantly out loud, something like your daughter, but they, they have to know. And this book even talked about how, like at school they're getting the message, like drugs and alcohol are bad, but then they see the wine bottle all the time.

Or mm-hmm , they are so observant, even they are way younger than we think. Definitely. And they're seeing like our social gatherings and oh, like mommy, daddy always have wine or beer. Mm-hmm  and I mean, that has to affect their choices. Thinking that it's this elixer of life, as she said in the book. Yeah. And then they need it at a party or right.

Yep. Mm-hmm  yeah, I, Alana was half five. And, um, she didn't know what was going on, obviously, but we went to a friend's house and she told somebody, she goes, my mommy doesn't drink wine anymore. And I had never told her that. Right. No, that's so cute. That's so funny. Like she noticed, she told somebody about it, like, isn't that weird?

Yeah. Five they're so observant. I'm telling you it's crazy are so observant. And I, I love that you were ready to receive that when she did say that to you, I think my history of like anxiety with my family, I'm like, if I'm gonna help her through whatever she deals with, I need to be there.

I need to be present. I need to be the best average mom that I can be.  yeah. You know, cuz we're all trying our best. We fall short, but if I'm gonna give myself a chance to really help her and my other kids, I need to at least come to the table, not hungover. Yeah. And. I think too, like she's also will go to events and she's like, my mom doesn't drink anymore.

She'll like tell everybody or other kids, you know, oh, my parents drink. And she's like, my mom doesn't like, so for her, it's a source of pride or like she's taking me doing. Something that's like counter to other people is taking it as a good thing. And that's what I want her to learn. Right. For peer pressure and for her own, self-confidence like, I don't need to do what everyone else is doing if it's not good for me.

Right, right. No. Yeah. You're there watching again. So you're setting that example of like, you can do hard things and even like sharing and talking about it as little as you are in front of her, she's picking up on how well you're doing in that a aspect as well.

So, but tell me, were you guys like part of the camp of like, well drinking makes me a better mom or like, yes. Okay. Yes. Cause I'm like, wait a second. Sometimes I will say  if I have to concentrate, like say we're at like a driving range, I'll be like, oh, if I had like one glass of something it'll like, loosen me up and I'll be better at concentrating but that's funny, you mentioned golf because. I do notice something like that, where I get a little bit of social anxiety. It's like something I'm not great at, but I enjoy mm-hmm  and I feel like, and golf is kind of anxiety cuz it's quiet and everyone is watching you. Yeah. So it is true. Go ahead. So I would notice that having a little bit of alcohol did relax me for that.

So that was awkward and it's something that like I enjoy when I'm there, but it's still awkward leading up to it. So there's still gonna be, I mean life isn't perfect. There's still gonna be stuff where you walk into a party. Mm-hmm. You're gonna feel butterflies and you're gonna have to just sit there and feel the awkward.

Okay. Probably to a certain extent. We'll never fully go away. That's just being human though. I appreciate that honesty though. Cuz I'm like, are there tactical tools? Does it ever go away? Like tell me all the things like you have the butterflies you'll probably have boredom cuz like everyone's like thinking this is funny and it's not, or yeah, I don't know.

And you just kind of get used to sitting in that space, I guess. Is that where you're you gotta sit in the space. Okay. Yeah. Dang. There's like no way. And there is tools like your Tumblr, like coming with your own drinks here is like a big Tumblr. Tumblr. Yeah. She's today. I, it just helps me so much, not like be fidgety and.

Like you, you don't have an option to go, like, see, what's in the, what's in the bar over there. You just, you have your soda, water with your lemon or whatever you wanna drink your iced coffee. And you're good. I, I feel that no one needs to serve you either. Like, oh, what would you like out of their options?

Or, I mean, for the first couple times I went out, I'm gonna be honest. I had my Tumblr and it was full of water. And I said, I was my own little cocktail. People don't need to know if you're not ready yet to tell people that's funny, just get your soda, water or whatever.  and say, I'm good.

That's a really good tip. Yeah. You got my own little concoction. You can make it sound fun. I mean, yeah. And other tips that we always say is like, drive yourself.  always drive. Okay. Because then you have an exit plan. You can like leave, you know, like she said, the first couple hours are usually the good time.

And then you could just do your Irish goodbye or Irish exit. And nobody knows that you've left. Everybody's seen you there. You drive yourself home, but yeah, I find that if I'm somewhere for an extended amount of time and it's. It is getting a little, it, it does get triggering even still, like, I'm just not like comfortable anymore.

I've been there and I must go. Yeah. And I honor that to myself. Okay. You know, you, you, you take so, so much better carry yourself when you're not drinking to like, get through stuff, get through to the end of the day, survive motherhood. It really seems like the script was flipped. Like you are feeling so much better that you can't even imagine. going back. No, it's so sad that we get into this. Like we think that alcohol makes everything so much better. Yeah. Yeah. We're told that that's but we do, because we're told it does right time, like time and time again by the media, by social media, all the like mommy wine culture.  that just jokes about it and like pokes fun at it.

And like, I get it, but it kind of just, even before I stopped drinking, it kind of got tired. I'm like this isn't creative or funny anymore. It's just like, they're yeah. Making the same jokes. And , again, coming from a family of like alcoholism, it's not a, I've seen the other side, I've seen, you know, what alcohol does to kids, to teenagers, to adults that are now going to therapy to deal with childhoods.

So I've seen it full circle and it's not actually not that funny. Yeah. It's really not. So. I think we joke about stuff that we feel uncomfortable about. Oh, for sure. So I think that's a defense mechanism for sure.  But  you know, it is important to have your tools, like she was saying, and, you know, have two for me.

My mom always taught me like listening, you know, if you feel social uncomfortable, just find one person who seems like they're upset or seems like they need to talk, or even just, you wanna make small talk and ask them question. Yeah. She's like, people love talking about themselves. No, that's so true. Yeah.

Going back to that statement in the book about listening, like people really wanna be heard and like you're such a better listener and yeah, no one wants to really hear what you have to say. Your advice  they're like, it's so much better ask open-ended questions and hear exactly. Oh, other people. That's the thing too.

When people are realizing that you're not drinking, they'll either get weird or they'll like, push it on you. Like one more. Yeah. Tell me about that. I. Want to talk about it, like, okay, I know that the stigma of alcoholism is like shameful. You go to AA forever. And you're like white knuckling it through life.

Like it's not like that, which is so weird, everybody, because if you had a heroin addiction, the heroin is to blame. If you had any type of drug addiction, the drug is the addictive substance, but like alcohol, we don't look at it. It's like the person can't handle. It's awful. Yeah. And that's the stigma that we're trying to break here is like just a regular. sweet. Mama could be drink in too much wine and, you know, society shames her and it's, it's sad. Did you ever feel like I'm definitely don't have a problem. I could just stop whenever I want, but you never chose to yeah. You never wanna stop.  that is the funny part. Like the fairy tells tell herself off and I was like, oh yeah, like I could stop whenever I want.

I could definitely do this. And then it's like, oh, Why don't you? Why? But do it, what I wanna do it then  but Annie grace does have a 30 day alcohol experiment and it's free. Okay. And it it's really like, if you wanna try anything, that is what we would recommend trying. Okay. Is like it's a 30 day thing. You get a 20 minute, little.

Audio message or a video that you can watch every day for 30 days and they just challenge your you and like, why do you drink, make a list of the pros and the cons, like, and it it's very, it's good. It's good to, to come back to yourself and to evaluate why you're doing this. Okay. You know, because our bodies weren't really meant to like drink alcohol.

It's meant to drink water. Right. Right. I don't know, like, it's good to question things that you're doing. Yeah. And it is ultimate. A lot of people, it's just a habit. You get home from work, you crack a beer, like, right. So it's, it's good to question those habits, especially in the end of things. It's not good for you.

Like, I don't wanna be, I had so much anxiety over premature death. Like, am I gonna make it to, you know, my's graduation? Am I gonna see her get married? Like all these things. Because I think in the back of my head, I knew I was poisoning myself. Yeah. You know, like drinking is.  and you can tell by all the anxiety, the depression, the, the inability to like get through the day without that that's hurting.

You know, and where was I going with this? I think we forget to, like, at least I do that. It's so it's a poison, like it's so sexy. Like sometimes some of these cocktails that are created and it's glamorous and it's like, what smoking used to be like, so glamorous, how people look at cigarettes.

Exactly. And hopefully people will look at alcohol the same. It's it's a lot to come to terms. Questioning it because we've all, you know, right. But life without you got me though, with like health and wellness, that's my buy-in for sure. Like, I'm not really ready to face any of the other issues maybe.

Right. But like health and wellness, it's like, yeah, no, this is poison. And like, I don't know for working out, it's like such a big thing. So it's like, this is. Counterintuitive it is to like all the workout and all the stuff you're doing. Yes. And they take the bottle of wine at night. Right. You're just ruining everything you did all day for yourself.

Right, right. Yes. Yeah. And the sleep thing too, that's a huge sleep. Like they say, if you're trying to like get healthy mm-hmm,  the Mo like before even diet and. Exercise sleep is number one. So it's just, again, in the book it's like affecting your sleep cycles and you know, toward the end, like there's a term called anxiety.

I dunno if it's in the book, but it's like hangover anxiety, where you wake up with your heart racing where you don't know where you are, your mouth is so dry. Like you didn't drink water and like 30 hours, cuz you're just drinking alcohol you're dehydrated. And that fear of like, what did I say? What did I do?

Because your mind there's certain parts of your brain. Like she was saying that like shut down.  that shut off when you've consumed enough alcohol. So that stuff alone, you're like, what is happening in my brain? Right? Like the damage you're doing and stuff. And I, I think as far as like, I've had very different experiences with people wanting to talk about it.

Like the, again, the first like month or two people that would normally like hand me alcohol, I was like, no, I'm not drinking. It was almost like, yeah. You know, movies where I was like, yeah, like the record. And there's different options. Like if it's a close friend, I can go more into it. I'm so sensitive to that though.

Because like, even when it's for health and wellness reasons, like there should be no shame with that. There should be, but there is that like, oh, I have to tell everyone I'm not gonna do any, like, I don't know. And that's totally on me. It's probably not like, it's not my responsibility to really care how other people like, but the people feel in that sense, like, I can care if I'm honest to them and have good integrity.

And I'm kind, but whether what, how they feel about my decision to be sober, but at the end of the day, they want you to do what's best for you. And if they don't want you to do what's best for you, then kick 'em to the curb, you know, like. I would want what's best for you. And if not drinking alcohol, is that right?

You go girl, like I am, I just get so psyched when people are like, no, it's not serving me anymore. It's not making me be my best self. Yeah. Yeah. That you're well, yeah. And you don't have to, there's so many things in life where you don't have to agree with someone's decision to support them. And if you have a friend being not supportive, then that's like what Sarah was saying earlier.

When I was talking to her, it's like a mirror you're holding up a mirror to. So it's making them uncomfortable and that's on them. And that's totally the, I think, uh, it was a podcast episode, but it talked about how like good that is because sometimes you're enabling people by being on the same level.

And not really honoring your, like your decision and what you truly authentically want. Yeah. They will never grow, but if you maybe make them a little uncomfortable, like it's not a bad thing, it's not, it might encourage what you ultimately want is to bring them along. Mm-hmm  side by side with you. Yeah.

And keep it simple initially. Just be like, I'm not drinking today. Yeah. I don't feel like it there's all these different, like tips, like. , I'm on medication like that's with certain people, I've had to use that one. Okay. Obviously closer friends I've gone into it more, but I've also am respectful of my friends who still drink, where it's like, you know, I'm here, you know, what, what I'm doing and where I'm at.

I'll talk about it, but I'm not like, did you hear the stats? And the fact like. Preaching like that doesn't appeal. No, no, that's I don't wanna hear stuff in that way. Right. When people start like shouting stuff to me, I'm like, I stop listening. So just having a conversation and if you sense someone is interested, ask them questions, like, you know, whatever you feel led to do, but just like do it person, a person.

Okay. Like, don't feel like you had to make this big. Grand announcement, unless you wanna eventually like Sarah posted about it. Yeah. So, so speaking of which grand announcements you posted on Facebook, what was that like? What was the response? It was liberating. It was, it, it was so.  just, you know, I felt that good at four months in.

Okay. Like, so I did the 30 day alcohol experiment. Okay. I completed the 30 days and I felt already like so much better in every way. Three sleep started. After like five days, the fog went away. I was better at my job. I was better waking up in the morning with my kids. Like all these little things, just like there was no, no cons.

Wow. Besides the awkwardness. Okay. You know, when you feel. With other people.  But there was, it, it just kept getting so good. And then I happened to have two other friends that were like, what, what's going on? You look good. Like, why, why do you look so good? And then I was like, I stopped drinking alcohol.

It's been 30 days. And I told my friends that, and two of. Three of them actually bought the book. Yeah. The naked mind book. Okay. And two of them did the alcohol experiment. And so I redid it with them just so I was at 60 days, they were at 30 days and they were like, I feel, I feel too good. Like why would I go back to something that may dragged me down again when I feel this good.

And they are right there with me still a month behind me. So they're both 14 months sober and. They're both kicking serious ass in life. Dang. Yeah. They they're both thriving so much happier and they wouldn't even, they don't want to drink, which is the beautiful part of it. Forever sounds daunting. Yes.

You know, so that's why everybody said, don't say forever, even forever is daunting for me. Okay. Every day, take it. I'm not gonna drink today. Take the question off the table.  I find that when you take it off the table, you're not playing the games in your head that we're talking about the mental MI mind space games that are, because it makes you question.

Don't question the decision. You're gonna go to the party and you're not gonna drink. And then when you leave that party, you're gonna be freaking dancing to your car because you're gonna be so proud of yourself. Nice. I love it. Yeah. You just end up like you, you realize all the good that comes from this life and you are still fun.

Like I put on dance, monkeying the car and blasted on the way, blasted on the way to school. And it's like, I used to think, oh, I'm more fun when I have some wine, but I'm fun. Yeah. You know? Right. And you you're authentically fun. Right. You know? Right. So no, even like, okay. I mean, I don't know if we wanna talk about this, but like even talks about sex in here and stuff too.

Like. It, you know, most people like start drinking because they think like, I'm, I'm gonna have better sex and stuff. And it talks about how like, it disproves that. And you're just like with facts, but also like arguments and critical thinking that I'm like, I'd never even question, all these different situations. She gives you the tools. To think about it differently. And I'm like, oh, okay, well, yeah. And I think we're just trained to run away from vulnerability. Yeah. So sex is very vulnerable obviously. And even with like married part or just partners that have been together for a long time, there's still like vulnerabilities there that  alcohol kind of takes away. 

I really believe that people can live such a better. Life without it. Yeah. And we're passionate about it because we know it's like, you have to kind of know what it feels like to appreciate how it is now. So I just would love for like anyone who's questioning it, to be able to give them a chance, to feel so much better.

Yeah. And to get outta the shame. I think even like the physical feeling, but the mental feeling was what really got me of feeling ashamed of myself and that whole, like, I think you mentioned cognitive dissonance where. I knew what I was doing was wrong and it wasn't agreeing with who the information I had now and who I knew I wanted to be.

I almost like would drink. And I think as time went on, I was splitting off from my true self because I knew the person that I was when I was drinking and how it was making me when I woke up the next morning and just really blah, and you know, irritated with my kids and just whatever, like not growing in any positive ways.

It just, it just had to go. That's so true. That was mind blowing for me. I thought alcohol would release like the inhibition. Like it would allow you to be more authentic. And so just how she disproved that, you're like, oh wow. Like, yeah, it's very interesting. But yeah, it doesn't line up like maybe for, again like that 20 minutes, and then you have another drink, you feel this high, but then yeah.

You start to have that battle within even the next day of like, why do I do that? It doesn't feel good. It's not in line. Like for me, it's not in line with my health goals. Mm-hmm .  yeah, I have, I was gonna be productive today. I have this long to-do list. Like it just so like, why are you doing it?  So interesting. It is. Okay. I'm gonna go ahead and plug nonprofits, cuz June is not only the month of pride, which go SC. We have like four pride groups. June is also elder abuse awareness month santa clarita senior center. They're having their celebrity waiter event and it's like their main event, their main fundraising event. And that's in July, but you can go ahead for more information. We'll link it again in the show notes, but you can email admin@scv-senior center.org. So very exciting month in June.

Okay. What else? Is there anything that we're leaving out that maybe you wanna say, or? Well, the one thing that I wanted to mention, I do photography. So I'm a very visual person. Okay. Sometimes too many words on pages just goes over my head or I like forget little things, but when I try to visualize alcohol and like what it was in my life for.

Forever was like, imagine someone in your life that was like your friend of me, or like a most toxic relationship and friend where at first it seems great. It seems like it's bringing you so much. And then as time goes on, you can't ignore the red flags anymore and you can't ignore what this person or this thing is taking from you.

And I feel like overtime, alcohol just kept revealing itself to be like a front ofmy mm. And a toxic. Presence in my life. And so if you really visualize it that way, yeah. Like the drink in front of you could look really pretty and have an umbrella and. Feel like it's your best friend. It's helping you be confident and happy and a great mom.

It's actually a total Buch that like,  I love it. Oh my just, and that's true. And that's true for everyone. And even people that can moderate, which there are people that can, or they can take it or leave it. You said even for health reasons, like it's proven now that no amount of alcohol. Is safe or good.

Yeah. And all doctors agree on it. Everyone agrees that it is not good for you at all. Like your body when you're throwing up is literally trying to get rid of the poison. Yeah. And you're like, oh dude, front of me, that sucks. Just picture Regina it's Regina, George. Right. And mean girls that's who it is.

  I wanted to say too if you choose to do the 30 day experiment, or if you wanna try to string together a couple days, like you have to give yourself a lot of grace. Mm. Like one of the. Sober writers. There's a lot of quit lit out there is what we call it where this naked mind is. Part of it quit. Like a woman is part of it.

There's a lot of different like quit alcohol books out there. Okay. And they're all so good. Really so good. We are, the luckiest is probably my favorite. We are the luckiest shoes. One of my favorites that says in the beginning, treat yourself like you're. Mm, take care of yourself. Rest as much as you need to rest, give the kids, Mac and cheese, like make life as simple as possible so that your.

You're okay. Um, you're not feeling triggered by dinner time. Like go on a walk at that time. Like switch it up, take the kids to the park and get some takeout. Um, do I like that? Those are like some good tips. Yes. And, um, eat all the ice cream you want. Like they say, they replace one addiction with the other, but, and sugar.

You're gonna want a lot of sugar. And so in the beginning of. Let your body have it like be good to yourself. If you don't feel that you're ready to go to the neighbors house for a party, or you don't feel like you're ready to go, don't go. It's okay. You need to protect you at whatever costs like you need to protect your sobriety becomes this like special present that you give yourself.

And it's, it's the greatest thing I've ever done for myself. And because it is so hard, I guess, for people to do. And it's so. I don't know what the words I'm looking for is, but it's just the best gift I've given myself. Well, like treat it, like, treat it like you're pregnant, but like a newborn baby.

Yeah. That's how like fragile and delicate, early sobriety is. So whatever you need to do to protect yourself, obviously, while you're pregnant, if you were to say, oh, I'm not drinking, I'm not doing this. People are like, okay, great. Whatever you need, whatever you need. Put your feet up. Yeah. Put your feet up.

Yeah. What can I do for you? So we're not there as a society to support alcohol people going sober yet. Hopefully that will come at one point, but.  just treat it like, it's this precious little gift, this little baby it's, it's very vulnerable and delicate. I mean, just by posting. And you say like the couple friends that, were compelled to just join the journey too, like yeah.

You are changing. Yeah. The trajectory of lives. Like not only in your home, but like yeah. And even hearing like the comments, I know there was tons of like positive comments. Mm-hmm  you, it's just, and I got a lot of private messages too. Like I've been trying, you know, or I'm sober nine months too, you know, it's so much better.

Right, right, right. And then others are like, tell me more about this book. And I love that. And I. You know, has me out there being all vulnerable and it helps somebody I'm willing to do it. So that's why, oh, you would Def you guys both are definitely helping people. How'd you guys meet? So you guys got hooked up because of like a forum, a friend.

What can I shout out? Yeah. A one. Megan Pratchard what Sarah's sister. You mean realtor, Megan Pratchard realtor. Megan is my sister. Yeah, that is so cool. So she was the mutual friend between you guys, like you guys didn't really hang out and now look at that. We knew each other cuz you know again, so she a CV connect, we're all connected.

Like we're all connected, but I was actually at a play date. Okay. Or a birthday party with your sister. And she was about to pour me a glass of wine because that's, you know what I did? And she goes, do you want one? I said, no. And she. Are you pregnant?  which is a valid it's valid. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, no, I'm just trying to drink it.

And I remember being so nervous even though she's the sweetest person ever. I was so like, my sobriety was such a little tiny newborn at that point. I was like, and she's like, oh,  and I was waiting and she goes either is, uh, Sarah's not drinking anymore. And she's so happy. And she just went to her first wedding and I was like, and then she probably reached out to her and then Sarah reached out to me and then we just dang went from there, in here.

That's so cool. That's like the power of one more. Like she just shared that. Yeah. I don't know. I'm so glad she did cuz I wouldn't have never, I wouldn't have, well, I would've seen your post eventually, but, and I needed her so bad in the beginning. Like it was totally meant to be because I needed.  a person to walk alongside this and it, cuz it is, it is hard at the beginning, especially.

So to have someone that you can have help you along and especially in a similar place in her journey, she was like a month ahead of meme. Yeah. I don't even know where I would be. No. So we have to celebrate Megan, just because the, in the book it did talk about how sobriety like the antidote. Drinking is community and having that person.

And I don't know, like, is it far fetched for me to say, like, if you guys didn't have each other, like would sober cheetahs exist today or, oh no, no. That's so crazy. That's cool guys. We haven't talked about sober Cheeta yet. Yeah. You gotta let go, like subscribe, follow that. And then again, that's like one of the tools though, as you're scrolling through social media and maybe you're triggered by like, oh, all my friends are going out.

Mm-hmm  I decided not to. And that looks so fun. Everyone has a drink, but you are consumed with also content. From sodas that is very, just authentic and real and empowering and mission focused with sobriety. Yeah. Sobriety, mental health, motherhood, wellness, like all of that, all of that stuff. And you were like you were saying, it was a great example of when I was in those spaces, I went back to all my cuz I would just save any post that I saw that was like a great little sentence or a tip or just like something comforting.

I would. Scroll through my phone and like grab onto those. Yeah. There's lot. So those are really important. Social media groups. Yeah. And support groups on Facebook and just hashtag, um, sober, inspiration, sober, uh, motivation, sober community. There's so many people out there that are just sharing. We'll put the links in the show notes of like some of the books she recommended and just some of like Annie's tools to like her podcast and stuff.

Cause I think that's great. Yeah. And then. Of course sober cheetahs, sober. Cheeta she got, we gotta give a shout out to her cheetah queen. Yeah. Glen and Doyle, who we love, who has her. We can do hard things, podcasts that we love as well. So good. And in her book, untamed, she talks about. That were, how does she describe it?

Basically, she's talking about a cheetah in captivity and it doesn't realize it's a cheetah and that's because it's just been in captivity it's whole life. And it doesn't realize like how powerful and beautiful it is, because it's just been told here you're in this little cage.

And so it's like kind of paralleling that to women. We're just taught to be like good little girls and to just keep ourselves tamed in these cages. But like her little tagline is. You're a goddamn cheetah. Yes. You're not just supposed to live in this box. And so yes, we, right.

Like, and everyone loves, I mean, cheetah prints very like on brand right now and there's sense of Cheeta stuff. But, we just, we're trying to come up with a name. So sober cheetahs. Yeah. Do you feel engaged? I mean, I feel like sobriety has brought that to you was like, just like, yeah. Free, so much more free, so much more confident and truly confident, not like so good.

Not fake confident. I had to hide, hide behind my drink. And I think it's too easier to, and it could be drink. It could be like anything. It could be like, whatever advice it is. If it's like the pill you're taking. Yeah. The drink you're drinking. It could be the thing you're spending, like whatever you're hiding behind.

Yeah. Yeah. Dang. Yeah. But the thing with alcohol though, why it's like probably one of the most insidious is it's the most easy. Consume the most pushed upon people, the easiest to buy. And when you drink to a point you're you Ty like typically really affect those around you with your actions behavior more than probably so many, you know, like having sugar, like she was saying sugar of ice and stuff like that, but like, you're not going out and right.

Ruining your life, so right. If you gotta swap a temporary thing and then work on that yeah. Piece by piece. Right. But just alcohol's, it's kind of the worst. So. That's so good.  People are gonna be walking away thinking maybe not like, yes, that's for me right away.

And some maybe will hopefully, but, um, definitely people are gonna be thinking. Yeah. Yep. Get curious. Yeah. So I'm gonna turn to page 1 47 in the book and just end it with, let's take time to get to know each other, break the ice naturally and make our streets safer.

Maybe that can prevent someone from getting behind in the wheel and drinking or yep. Change their family life at home. Yes. Who knows? Everything will get better without alcohol. Yes, definitely. Well, thank you so much for your vulnerability and just like your enthusiasm for this.

And again, being so transparent and open, cuz I'm sure. I don't know. I was nervous to talk about too. I'm like, okay. What about, what am I sharing? I dunno, like what haven't I told my parents like  well, thank you for having us. You so much, Kelly, I'm curious, you guys. This book I'm telling you. It definitely opens my eyes.

Yeah. So it's great. Highly love. Recommend. Sweet. Thank you for having it. Yes. Thank you so much course. No, I want you to have you guys back . Okay. Yeah. Like I said, we'll questions from the community and see what people are saying. Yeah. Yeah. There's no shame. 

And information comes out, like share it with us. Okay. We wanna learn, definitely live our best life here in awesome town. Yeah. Okay. That's SCV connected out woo. Woo. Woo. That's a wrap. 📍